Nice people

Found a nice orthopedic, that I will be able to visit when I get home. I also had to unbook my allergy doctor… I was to sick to go there. They  where nice and even called me and said I really needed to get my asthma controlled. They where worried for me sounding like “old whisky-smoking lady”, really (my words, not theirs, buy that is what my voice sounds like). At least the doctor at the Vårdcentral understood I was sick this time…  medication. I feel better now. But last time I had a infection like this it took time. I was sick for a month. I have been sick two weeks and some. I have medication for ten days. On Thursday I puked from all parts of my body. I couldn’t even keep urine in. I had a fever. I coughed blood. My lungs hurt. My ribs hurt. My stomach hurts. All of me shivered and sweat. My partner had to go home from work, I was to sick to call and pay for a cab and go to the doctor myself. I peed on myself in the doctor’s office entrance. I had peed all over myself when I got to the doctors office. I held a vomit basket. I was a sorry piece of shit. Sick and peed my pants. The fucking nurse asked me if I had drank alcohol. What a fucking joke? I never drink or do drugs of any kind. I was wasted from my fever. When I stood at the cashier I didn’t have my partner’s card with me and I didn’t have any money to pay the doctor myself. Another customer offered to pay the fee, fuck no, I have money, just not the right card…. What a sorry piece of ass I must have been. Had been better if the doctor came home to me. I would have paid for it. When home I slept all day and night. Didn’t know if it was night or day. Lost track of it all. My partner went and got my medication, gave me it. I kept on sleeping, coughing, going to the bathroom to pee. My partner didn’t sleep in the bedroom… guess I was to sick… haha. Fuck talk about being embarrassed. But I was sick. I have ordered grown-up-diapers, since those at the pharmacy don’t help much when you really pee… fuck it is embarrassing to not being able to hold it. But I really cannot when I cough to much. Even a old man felt sorry for me… I got an invoice for the doctor’s fee. I’ve paid now. There was no problem registering my visit, but then, the nurse inside the doctor’s corridor couldn’t find me on my personal number. I told her it many times. I couldn’t tell it anymore. I was to sick to help her this time. It was difficult, since I don’t have a voice, I was vomiting, peeing and felt nausea. I didn’t have energy to be there. I wanted to go home and sleep. If the doctor during the weekend actually had helped me, which he fucking didn’t… then I wouldn’t had to have gotten this sick. Why are the doctor’s this scared to help the patients? I have a diagnosis from specialists. I have chronic asthma. Some cold’s give me extra sickness and when it does…. I ask for their help… I didn’t get that in time… I feel sad that my life isn’t worth more… that I have to get this sick, before I get help. There is something wrong with Sweden’s health care. You shouldn’t have to fight for your right to get better. To be able to breathe. You should just get the help you need. I can now get better. It wasn’t fair… to have to suffer. Nobody should.

When I was younger my mum always took me to a private clinic. I strongly believe it is because of him I didn’t get allergies to pollen and asthma earlier. I had problems back then, but he always treated them. He kept me heathy. He retired. So did my regular doctor that I used to have here in Stockholm. I need to find a new one. A private clinic.

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