First week done

So, now I’ve met all my students, if they did come to class that is. For the juniors they will be taught new techniques, so they can use them. The seniors will be able to choose techniques and styles and do their own productions with the chosen ones. The ones in between get to choose what to learn more and then produce. I hope they like their semi freedom, since I allow the students to choose a lot of things to their liking. I know some might find choosing difficult, but I have options for those too. I made lists for those that haven’t been able to choose. They can then check the number of options needed and just do them. Well. I hope they like me. I enjoyed all my classes. I had a great week. I hope the students had that too. I liked the colleagues I talked too, hope they like me too. But I have low self esteem. I am really injured from life experiences. My sibling tells me not to think about it. I haven’t thought about it at work. I’ve been happy there. But I haven’t had time to think this week, until yesterday. I thought too much. I had to much free time in the evening. I got sad. My sibling and I talked about bad experiences. I always knew I had been abused, but yesterday something struck me. I actually have been sexually assaulted by my former stephfather. I never realised that before. But that is exactly what he did to me. It is how he abused me that qualifies. My partner doesn’t think of it like that. My partner thinks it’s just abuse, but my sibling and I happen to think when you do it to a child above a certain age, it does qualify as sexual assault. My childhood is really bad. I realised it would make a terrible book or film… I never thought about it that way before… but yesterday I realised. My sibling said it was so,my sibling is right. My former stephfather is the father of my sibling. He wasn’t the only one that has treated me bad. There are so many adults that have treated me so bad. If you only knew.

Some students have said I seem kind. I sure hope they find me kind. I sure hope that. I want them to feel good in my classes. To be creative and to put aside all those things that way ’em down. I haven’t been pulled down this week. The students have only given energy, not taken any. I hope I continue to be successful. I also hope the kids are really happy.

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