Midsummer in Sweden

Today it has been midsummer eve in Sweden. We dance around the midsummer pole and eat dinner with our families. Well. Some do it in another way, throw a party, but not us with kids… well, anyways. It is exhausting going to the midsummer events. Many people. So when I got home, ate dinner, I had to sleep a couple of hours. I am very tired. I am still tired. Now midsummer is over. Tomorrow is midsummer’s day. That isn’t really celebrated by us. Others go to their extended families that day, to celebrate with others 2. I don’t. It is to much travelling and costs to much money. We stay home. Well. Anyways. Next week many start their holidays in Sweden. We could say I am on holiday right now. Tired. Gonna sleep a lot. Haven’t really had the chance to sleep much this past year. I shouldn’t really put myself in this situation, since I am really burned out since many years ago. I really don’t have the energy to do this, but I had to because of the Swedish system, the rules where against me from the start. I had to study 150-200% each year because of that. Study as much as I could during that period. I only got 2 years of student funds. Had to fit in as much as I could during that period. I also had to work, but from September last year I couldn’t work anymore. My long practise period started. I was really tired. When I was ready to work, I had been unregistered from the employer. I didn’t get back on. Well. That means I had no extra job that worked with my studies anymore during my practise periods. I only had my other employers left, but there it is only workdays. Well. So in poverty we dwell. So not getting the summer job didn’t make that better. Well. Anyways. I at least get to rest, which I need so bad. In the fall my work starts again, even though I would have wanted to study one more year. I still will study full-time. But I have to work. Not my choice. The state chose for me. They usually run over me. They couldn’t grant me protected income for one year, even though they could have. But power factors choose to make my life difficult, just as they do all the time. I reroute. I cope with it. No wonder they are killing me, no wonder I’m burned out. No wonder. One more year of studies. One more time… will I manage? I don’t know. I am really tired. I wish someone gave me an income, so I could study without having to work…. but noone would do anything for me. Nobody has ever done anything for me. I am noones number one for any humans on this planet. Never was. Never will be. I always come second, third, forth or I might even be forgotten 2. Forgotten is the number for me. That pretty much sums my life. I am a nobody and I have always been. I have adapted to circumstances. Once I set a goal. I do reach it, but I always have to reroute… do it differently. Sweden always works against me. Always has. This is a bad country.

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