I am browsing jobs, summer jobs… but I then see my on-the-job-training school looking for summer teachers, preferably teacher’s students. I have to low confidence to seek that summer job. Because a no thanks from somewhere I’ve been hurts to much, it is like a trash stamp, that you where not good enough to employ for a summer job. Fake niceness during my on-the-job-training-period. I wouldn’t feel to good afterwards, if I would just get a “thanks, but no thanks”. I know the feeling. I’ve had it before, to many times, so I don’t. I let it be. They want someone else. They don’t want me. Nobody wants me. They never do. I am worthless.