Had to much to do, and to little time to do it

I was working a full day today, for the first time this year, since I have only been a part-time-worker for far to long. Well. I thought I was going to be tired at arrival home, however I had too much to do and to little time to do it, so I didn’t get any time to be tired.

I actually find my old job interesting and valuable. Needed so to speak, however I find myself thinking, this is only temporary. I however do not know what type of job I would like to have. I do know it isn’t this, even though it is fulfilling in so many ways. It is a very important and needed job and valuable for society. However I do know what I like doing and those things are not fulfilled in this job. I do long for a certain kind of tasks and I find myself having wishes and needs, but no possible thought of how to live on that. Or at the same time I have ideas but no drive to do it. I cannot explain it better. At least I am making money and the pay is actually… good. Strangely enough. I asked how much I odd to earn. I was supposed to earn about 20000 SEK more per month really, but then again, I haven’t worked in this occupation lately. It was over 10 years ago… so I do not expect being paid the big bucks. However I think it would be possible to get a permanent job in this occupation somewhere. However I do not think I want to. I have, after all, studied at the university and want an occupation were I need at least a few of those skills. However on this strange job market and without really any contacts I want to use…. landing such a job is difficult. I do have a dream job, however in that area I have no work experience… I would however gladly enjoy working with that. However I do not think anyone ever will give me such an opportunity. I wanna work with at least something I am skilled for, without having to go back to pre university jobs… however… seems difficult right now.

I think it is so sad. I am such a waste for society. But then living in a racist place often results in discrimination. If you do not have the right last name, contacts, background, no matter how smart you are – you are not interesting enough. That is so true and so sad.

Integration includes getting all doors open. This is something that doesn’t work in Sweden. I, as experienced, about the Swedish job market think I am discriminated all the time. I read an article in DN.se were a professor thought that Sweden is good in many things, but bad at integration of foreigners. He is right.

Source 20130701: