During the past week I have applied for a lot of boring jobs I will not get. I have also been working at home and spending savings. I have invested in stuff I wanted for five years. I have bought a fence. I have cut up all the pieces and I only need to put the posts down in the ground.
I haven’t had time to blog. I have been busy and after a full days of work I have been tired. I have had fun doing all this, just wishing the fence was up. I want to be able to take the pets out on the back garden to, were there are no spies like in the front garden (neighbours that give no privacy). I have however never been able to use the back garden since the pets can run away there. The fence is ment to keep them in and give them an outdoor space were I can have privacy when taking the pets out into the garden. Nice. Not the cheapest fence, but very beautiful.
The out house is almost finished. It is furnished. The desk is still not screwed into the wall, that is the only thing not done. Everything else is organised and in place. I have also put up shelfs outdoors for gardening stuff and small cupboard for the grilling stuff. I have painted them all in a bright color. I have also painted a fence. Well. I have been busy really.
Idag var det första maj och traditionsenligt lyssnade vi på första majtal av politiker och barnen lekte runt omkring oss. Jag lyssnade på talen och det viktigaste för de politiker jag lyssnade på var arbetslösheten. De ville få människor i arbete. Det jag inte gillade var att “människor som inte gör rätt för sig”, “inte jobbar”… orsakerna till talet var väl nobla och kontentan var att varje person skulle ha jobb. Visst. Men hur de uttryckte sig gillade jag inte. Kändes som jag inte gjorde nytta. Jag som är arbetslös. Jag som hindras av 75-dagars-regeln från att jobba som timvikarie. Jag anser att det är bättre jag jobbar lite och få stämpla upp än inget alls. Jag arbetar de jag kan. Sedan tycker jag bemanningsföretag ska accepteras, många gör det redan efter domslut, men långt ifrån alla a-kassor. Sedan tycker jag att man koncentrerar sig för mycket på ungdomsarbetslösheten, jag i den generationen som INTE är ungdomar har levt i en parallell sämre arbetsmarknad hela mitt liv.
Jag får inte jobb bara för att jag aldrig får semester. Jag får inte ett heltidsjobb bara för att jag inte får jobba mer än max 75 dagar som timvikarie. Jag får inte jobb bara för att jag ungdom, eftersom jag INTE är en ungdom och ändå inte får jobb. Jag får inte jobb för att jag inte har arbetslivserfarenhet, för jag HAR arbetslivserfarenhet. Jag får inte jobb för att jag saknar utbildning, för jag HAR utbildning. Jag får inte jobb för att jag saknar referenser, för jag HAR referenser. Jag må kanske vara diskriminerad för att jag har barn, för jag får frågor om “vem VAB:ar” på intervjuer, senaste intervjun i förra veckan fick jag den frågan på. OCH jag VAB:ar aldrig! Just det. Ändå fick jag inte jobbet för att jag diskrimineras. Kanske för att jag har barn, kanske för att jag är fet? Kanske. Jag vet bara att jag inte fått något heltidsjobb, inte ens vikariat. Jag knegar på mina timmar och inte ens dem får jag knappt. Denna vecka har jag varit helt arbetslös, liksom förra veckan. Sånt är livet. Jag söker jobb. Får inga jobb i alla fall. Jag ringer. Får inga jobb i alla fall.
Så jag är inte ungdom. Jag får inga “nystartsjobb”, för om du jobbar på timmar omfattas du inte av det, du måste vara helt arbetslös i ett år för att få det. Ett företag frågade om de kunde få rabatt för mig genom nystartsjobb. Nej sa jag. Fick inget jobb. De har inte hört av sig. Fattar ni? Systemet sätter krokben på sådana som tar jobben. Systemet är gjort för att såna som jag inte ska få jobba. Ni vet, vi som ni kallar parasiter, vi som inte jobbar. Mer välutbildad, erfaren och med mer kunskap än många inkompetenta som faktiskt har jobb. Just det. Tänk dig det. Mer jobbvillig än många lata som bara vill fika och ta rökpauser på arbetsplatserna runt om i Sverige. Jag är där för att jobba när jag jobbar, inte för att vara med i klubben för inbördes beundran. Kunden först! Det är mitt motto och inte är det kollegan som är kunden. Möjligen ägaren av företaget är kund, som betalar för att företagets kund blir nöjd genom att anställa såklart. Tyvärr premieras inte arbete, utan mera “klubben för inbördes beundran”. Nu är det så att alla vill kanske inte vara bästis med kollegor på fritiden. Jag har mitt liv. Jag jobbar på jobbet och lever mitt liv efter jobbet. Så är det. Lev med det.
Men jobben växer inte på träd. En tjej berättade på YouTube att hon sökt en tjänst och att hon kollat upp hur många som sökt jobbet. 1500 personer hade sökt jobbet. Förstår ni? Så det är inte ens en procents chans att få ett sådant jobb… då kanske du förstår hur svårt det är att få jobb idag. Jobben är få. Många konkurrerar. Arbetslösheten är hög. Många är som jag, kompetenta.
Vi behöver skapa nya jobb, annars får inte alla jobb. Inte jobb bara för ungdomar. Jobb för alla som vill ha ett riktigt jobb. Vi är inte soffliggare. Vi jobbar. Vi söker jobb.
I have done some gardening work today. I have planted flowers that I found real cheap, for a poor mans wallet. No work as a temp yesterday or today. So I won’t work if they offer any the other days, I will loose to many days from “stamping up” when I only get one or two days of working a week. I need to work everyday.
I continue to apply for full-time jobs, temp jobs and “permanent” jobs (I do not believe in permanent jobs), but there is none to get. I do not mind not having a job at a bad company that just has cruel bosses, so I am not missing that. I am however missing the fact of having money in my pocket, but then again I am used to being poor from my childhood. So I really do not care there are no jobs for me. It is a protective mechanism to not care, this way every no thank you doesn’t hurt as much. Still some applications hurt, it depends on how they say no thank you. Some can be real hurtful. Also for jobs I have really made an effort on the application hurt more than jobs I cannot even remember applying for.
I am so tired of Sweden and Stockholm especially. I do not like Sweden as a concept with this government in ruling, nor the majority of people I continuesly meet here in Stockholm anymore. Sweden is so discriminating towards fat people, foreigners with no connections and such. Even the foreigners are discriminating towards other foreigners, so not just Swedes. Also many people I meet at work places are discriminating towards women far to often. There is also discrimation of how you look. You are not allowed to dress as you please really without meeting peoples stares. I think there are a lot of problems in Sweden. Perhaps we have less problems than other countries, but still there are issues. I have felt the discriminations far to often in the society. Why cannot Swedes accept people being different and why isn’t everyone allowed to be as they like, as long as nobody else has to be something they are not?
Well. I think Sweden is a bad country in many aspects. There are a lot of things I try to change. I have so many stories inside me, however I have secrecy agreements with employers in the past and cannot talk about what I know. If you knew all I knew you would also think shit. That is a almost certain promise. If you just had walked in my shoes so to speak, then you would understand where I am coming from.
This week I haven’t felt like blogging much. I haven’t even felt like painting, after all I reached my goal. I have however done manual labour. I have worked in the garden. That has been joyful. I have also done errands. So my days this week have passed fast. I will probably not blog too much the coming week. I have other things to attend to.
Well. I am pretty happy with my garden work during this week. I have even been to the waste area (Miljöstation) and thrown away the garden garbage (cut down branches and such). Well. That has been my week. It has passed by real fast.
I have also applied for a lot of jobs of course… of which I will not get any. I even attended an interview recently. I didn’t get the job and the feedback was lame and didn’t give me anything. So this has been a rather boring week. And it was a great surprise I didn’t get any money either… Well. So I had to sit in phone calls and make such errands as well. Boring. But I need my money. I hate unnecessary paper work. The state really tries to fuck up my life. They must really sit and laugh when they create all these strange rules for this and that. I hope they find out how these rules are rigid by their own. That is, they need to get unemployed and experience it themselves. Fredrik and Anders should have a taste of poverty to.
In Sweden it is “spring”. The sun is shining and it is comfortable weather, however the ground is still icy and the snow is still on the ground in many places. Spring isn’t here for real until the ground isn’t frozen anymore. Until the ground is unfrozen it isn’t really possible to work with the ground without big machinery. However you can cut trees and bushes and have flower pots outdoors in daytime. In the gardening stores they are already selling penseér, flowers that stand some degrees of coldness. However they do not stand winter. I will not plant any flowers outdoors until the snow melts.
I have however been outdoors cutting branches and trees. Without my partners knowledge of course. I however happen to think that trees shouldn’t be let to be overgrown and ugly. I want to trim them, to let in more light. To let the wilderness go. Wilderness belongs in the wild woods, not to far away, but not in my garden. I think the front yard looks much better now when I have trimmed the bushes outside. I have also cut branches on the small trees in the garden.
Indoors I have organised some more papers. The binder was overgrown with documents and now all the documents are in three binders instead. I should have done that at least a year ago. There are so much paper work for some things.
I also found memories among the papers. So these I gathered to a usb-stick. I also found papers that shouldn’t be in those binders. I now have the possibility to place them in their correct place.
I have also gotten the missing paperwork. Only missing one original now. I am thinking I might have it, but I have just forgotten were I have placed it.
Well. Have you been doing some spring work?
I am of course not talking about the wilderness in the woods. I am talking about trees planted many years before I moved here. Then neglected by the former owners and me. Finally I took a saw and sawed my way through the wilderness next to our house. The darkness was removed and in came the sun. Finally my partner came and took my saw away saying I was the wild one hacking my way through the garden like a massacre. In other words my partner felt pain with the trees that I brutally cut down more and more.
I am still not satisfied, I wanted to do more. I wanted to saw some more. I have in fact hated the trees for all these years. The trees are still there, but less wild and overgrown. I however want to remove them forever. I want flowering bushes and a wonderful garden feature there instead. I have never liked the overgrown bushy trees growing there. Always ugly with no green under one and a half meter, the meter you see walking in the stairs right next to it. I just want to remove the ugliness and replace it with beauty. It looks like the trees are suffering in pain from the darkness from the other thriving trees next to them. I do not think it was smart planting them together like that from the beginning. Laziness perhaps made the builders of the house choose such ugly trees.
Do you feel like crying? If you have empathy then you perhaps might cry after hearing this very sad story about a young men at Koreas got talent for South Korea. Very sad story… imagine a little five-year old living alone in the streets. This was indeed a smart young man, he didn’t go to school, but did a GED-test and went to high school directly. For the rest of the story, see the film on YouTube below.
I am not gonna work the upcoming week. I will do what I haven’t had time to do. I will make job applications. I need a job. I have needed a real job for about 1 month now and I am starting to get bored. Working part-time in a dead end job isn’t worth anything for me.
I need a full-time well paid job. I have to invest time in finding some to at least apply for. Hopefully it will result in a job offer. At least a project assignment if not a permanent offer.
I am like a zoombie after work. I just want to sleeeeeeep everytime I get home. However I have obligations. I do them. When I am home alone with the kid I cannot fall asleep. However when the kid goes to bed, I fall asleep on the sofa. The temp job is really killing me. I have just put into the calender that I am free during this month. I wont put down I can work in March. I think this job is making me too tired.
Also the organisation I have been involved in for many years want me to help them with some stuff. I cannot right now, I have no energy at home. I am to tired, I am not having any life quality.
The job itself is very noisy and the environments and people are different everyday. It is very difficult to be alert all the time with new people. If I just met the same people it would perhaps be different. I have done this job before, but usually I had the opportunity to be located at one place all the time before. Now I am like running around all over the city. That is stressful. Stress makes me tired. I also have gotten my back pain back, which makes me stiff and not being able to fully move. My feet however are just fine, ever since I got my costume made cushions for my shoes.
However. I need one job, at one place. My brain is not equipped to meet this much people each week. I who do not even like people that much… imagine that. What a strain on my personality.
People might even think I am all outgoing, but that is just an illusion. I do not hang out with collegues after work, I do not go out to parties, I do not associate with new people after work other than attending some class or event. And at those classes or events I do not associate with people. I like to observe instead. Look at people. I prefer to hang out with people I know. So when you meet a talkative person in the future – they might not be social at all. I get all socializing by talking to people and then later on I have no need to talk or hang out, like others that perhaps do not talk do. I like my own company.
I have worked every day. However not full-time, so my part-time-days are rapidly becoming less and still no full-time job in sight. I am unwillingly a part-time-temp. I would very much want to work full-time.
But since I am so tired, perhaps it is good I am not, at least not in the temp job. However meeting new people each day is very tiredsome. “Jaaaawning”.
I want to sleep now, otherwise I cannot be up during the evening. This is how tired I am. This job really consumes my energy terribly.